i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
