I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
