no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
