3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
