I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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