Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
