Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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