i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
