Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
