She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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