On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
