My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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