forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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