I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
