We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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