Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't deserve a penis
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
