i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
