You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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