He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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