I'm so fucking centered right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
