We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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