Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
