then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
