There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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