Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
