Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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