That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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