Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
