We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
