You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
