the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We need to rekindle our bromance
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
