Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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