omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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