They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
two words...techno handjob
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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