i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
