K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
