she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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