how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
