Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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