i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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