Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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