I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
