Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
