Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
