my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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