if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
