Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The air was thick with penises
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
