Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
