I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
