Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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