Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
