Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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