i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
