My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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