I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize