having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
