I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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