The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
