i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
