fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
