dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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