Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The best revenge is premature balding
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
