At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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