you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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