and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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