I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The beer is more important than you right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
