he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
