im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
