grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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