i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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