omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
