I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
