hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
