I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
