Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
