I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
